


My Doubts

by Glitched_freak



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Childhood Friends, Desperation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, POV Second Person, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Reader Is Not Main Character (Mystic Messenger), Slow To Update
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-03-04 16:39:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13368816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glitched_freak/pseuds/Glitched_freak
Summary: Having second thoughts of his new relationship with MC, Zen finds himself looking to find comfort from an old friend.





	1. Noticing the difference

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! all I ask of you is to enjoy the story, and please, point any grammar mistakes in the comments!

Zen had started to see it the moment he and his new girlfriend had returned from the party. He first dismissed her words as a humorous joke, but the more he passed those words, the more they seemed to pop up the next day. It was a regular Saturday, and Zen found himself staring at his phone, sitting on his couch as the television played at a low volume to fill background ambiance. His social media was very inactive today, and it seemed as if everyone in the world was busy, except for him. His head had snapped toward the door, where his supposedly loving girlfriend stood. "Hi, honey!" She said with a cheerful tone. "Can you believe it's been two months since the party? Time goes by fast, hasn't it?" Zen smiled in response, noticing the slight annoyance in her voice. "Is something wrong, babe?" She looked surprised at his quickness in noticing her annoyance. She put the bags in the kitchen, continuing to talk as she sorted through the food. "Yeah... Some of your fans greeted me today..." Zen winced. He knew where this was going. "They were telling me how lucky I am to be your girlfriend." She walked into the living room where Zen sat, not moving as he stared at the screen in front of him, trying to flood out her words. She sat next to him, "More and more girls tell me that every day, did you know that?" Zen held back the urge to respond. "It would just be better if you had a different job altogether. One to where nobody can disturb us."

"Hm... I need to rehearse my lines for tomorrow, so I'll be in my room." Zen gets up to head to his room, flinching a bit when MC corrected him. " _our_ room." Once Zen went into his room, he locked the door, knowing that his girlfriend wouldn't mind as long as if she doesn't hear anybody else's voice. He sighed as he took his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through his social media once again as his mind started to wander. 'I've never seen this in her before... maybe I was wrong thinking that she was meant for me...' Zen mentally slapped himself, shaking his head. 'No, no... we were meant for each other... I shouldn't think that way, but still...' Before he could even realize what he was doing, he found himself scrolling through his contacts list as if he could find some piece of comfort from someone. Different, yet familiar names of past directors and coworkers passed, but one familiar name had caught his eye. A name he hasn't heard in years. -[name]- was spelled with different hyphens around, and he had totally forgotten you even existed. Without thinking, he had pressed the 'call' button and a faint ringing noise was heard. He pressed his phone against his ear. Did you even have the same phone number from all these years? Dou you even still know him? He forgot about you, did y-

"Hey, if you're another ad calling my damn phone, I swear to god--"

"[name]? Is that you?" Zen was surprised to hear someone answer, let alone your voice. "What? Who are you?" Zen's eyebrows furrowed. Do you really not remember him? "Hey, I know we haven't talked in years, and you probably don't remember me, but it's me, Hyun-" He heard an 'oh!' from the other side, followed by a laugh. "Zen! it's been a while. Sorry for the rude hello. I've had a rough day, and several ads already didn't really help. I had to get a new phone, and all my contacts were erased..." It went silent for a while, and finally, you speak again. "So, why did you call after umpteen years?" 

Zen sighed. "Actually, I just needed to talk... to get things off my mind, you know?" You hummed in agreement. "What did you need to talk about?" Zen smiled, "Actually, do you want to talk in person? Its been years, you know." He could hear your laughter on the other side. "Yeah, it really has been a while, hasn't it? When are you free? We can visit that one cafe by the theatre we used to always work at." Zen thought for a minute. "Are you free later today? I need to rehearse tomorrow." "Sure. how about an hour from now?" "Sounds good. See you there." He pressed the end call button, getting up to put on his coat and walking out of his room to find his girlfriend there, tapping away on her phone. "I'll be... out... see you in a bit." Before she could respond, he left through the door without saying another word, making his way to the cafe.

 

_'hi, I'm [name]. Its a pleasure to be working with you, Hyun!'_

_'Please, call me Zen. It's a name you'll be hearing quite often if you work here a lot.'_

_'I hope so. I would hate to have to meet a god like you only once.'_


	2. Getting over it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woosh-- might as well get this story going. hopefully, this chapter will be longer...

Zen was more than excited to see you, walking with a bounce in his step toward the cafe. Its been years since the last time he's seen you, and he thought what better time to catch up with an old friend then now? He could see you from a distance, remembering your face and trotting up to you in a slow jog. Noticing him, you turned with a smile on your face. "Zen! It's so nice to see you!" Zen Flashed you one of his award-winning smiles. "likewise." Without exchanging any more words, you both made your way into the familiar cafe, the scenery bringing back memories from six years ago. Sitting across from each other, you were both silently as your minds wandered to different things.

"So... I see you grew your hair out longer..." You stated, glancing up at him and breaking him out of his thoughts. Without thinking, he reaches to touch his hair, dragging his fingers through it. "Yeah. I can see you cut a hair a few inches." Mirroring his previous actions to your own hair, you chuckle a bit. "Yep! I just needed it to be shorter for my work. Enough of me though! Why did you call?" Zen sighed, knowing he needed to get this off his chest. He explained everything, starting with when MC first joined the RFA, the hacker incident, and the change he saw in her shortly after the party. The whole time he explained his troubles to you, your eyes kept glued to his features, listening intently as your facial expressions changed along with his story as it progressed. "And that's when I called you. I need your opinion on this... the other members wouldn't have the same opinion because they know her." Your eyes shifted to the table, deep in thought. You gave him a small 'hm,' looking back up to meet his crimson eyes. "Possessive, huh? Yeah, I can understand where she's coming from." Zen looks slightly surprised. "What do you mean?" You lean back in your seat, getting more comfortable. "About a year ago, this dude asked me out. Of course, like always I can never get past the first date and that one was no different. We went to a bar, talked a little, and the other normal things you'd do on a date, but when he went to the bathroom, another guy was talking with me. He got really possessive, threatening the other dude. Long story short, I stopped using dating apps and went single from that day forward." You rubbed the temples of your head as if it would get rid of those bad memories of past dates. Zen frowned. "How does help me, exactly?"

"Well, she's only being possessive because of what you do. You work with different people every day, gaining fans each night and meeting new people..." Your eyes trailed away, a look of sorrow crossing your face for a quick moment, and Zen does not let that go unnoticed even though he says nothing. "Forgetting others... Anyway, she's just getting possessive because you're so popular, that's all. She doesn't mean you any harm, really. It's just worrying. Don't sweat it." Zen smiles. He knows that what you're saying was probably right. "Thanks, I think I have a better grasp of what's happening." He looks out the window, seeing that the sun was starting to set. "Wow, it's pretty late. Do you still live in that apartment three minutes from here? I can walk you home, you know. It's no trouble for me." Shaking your head, you laughed. "Nah, I'm good. I need to do some work, and I usually stay here for the coffee and quiet atmosphere." You then pull your laptop out of the bag you brought along with you and gave an apologetic look to Zen. "Ah, okay. Be safe walking home, [name]!" 

With that, he left the cafe, looking a little bit happier from the conversation he just had. Once you couldn't see him anymore, you let out the air you've been holding in. "Damnit, [name]," You mutter under your breath. "You always wait until it's too late..."

* * *

Zen got home to see his girlfriend pacing the floor. She let out a sound of relief and ran over to him, hugging and sobbing into his shoulder.

"Honey! I was so worried! I thought you left me for good, or something b-bad happened, or... or... something! You didn't answer your phone, a-and... oh god, I'm so glad you're not leaving me!" Zen wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as she sobbed. Smiling, he whispered words of praise in her ear, feeling a little better. Zen picked his girlfriend up, carrying her to their bedroom and gently setting her down before getting in bed himself. "Goodnight, my love. I will see you in my dreams~" MC smiled at her loving boyfriend. "Same to you, my god from above." She turned to face opposite to him, falling asleep in a matter of seconds. The moment her breathing became steady, Zen lied on his back, staring at the ceiling. "hm..." He said in a low whisper as to not wake her. "I can't help but think aloud... the way my heart beats for you..." He closes his eyes, putting a hand where his heart is, clutching his shirt. "When you called me your god... Why didn't I feel the way I've felt those times before?" With his remaining doubts, he manages to fall asleep late in the night.

Morning came way too quickly for Zen, and work had called him in for some slight script changes. He found that his girlfriend was still asleep, and the same thoughts came flooding back, but he quickly shook them away, not wanting to damper his mood before going to work. Leaving a note after getting ready, he slipped on his signature coat, heading out the door and walking to the theatre. When he arrived, he was surprised to see everyone huddled around the stage. "Fucking Christ!" He could hear the director yell. "What are you trying to do? Kill my actors?! You said that it was fixed three hours ago!" Upon further inspection, he can see the Spotlighting system crashed on the stage, everyone surrounding it as the director's voice got louder, another voice coming from above shouting back in annoyance. Finally, the director sighed. "You're damn lucky I know someone who can replace it for cheap, but this is coming out of your paycheck." Taking out his phone, he dialed a number and walked off to the side, plugging his free ear to hear the voice that came through as the cast and crew chatted among themselves. Zen went to a fellow actor, asking them to show him the changes made, and they gave Zen a few pages to replace the old ones. About half an hour later of chatting and reciting the few new lines, the director called out beyond all the chatter. "Ah! [name]! Do you have the spare light?" Zen turned to see your smiling face, surprised to see you. "Yeah, it's in the back. My boys will carry it in and install- no problem. It all comes down to $190."

Zen made his way toward you, watching as you and the director shook hands, the director making his way outside. "[name!] I didn't know you worked as a stage set delivery girl!" You blushed, scratching the back of your head. "Actually, I run the business with my brothers. I just tag along for the payments sometimes. I work as an assistant for conducting AI experiments as a part-time job, too..." He chuckled. "You always were the little tech girl in the theatre, weren't you?" Your expression flashed to one of pain as if a bad thought had crossed your mind, but it quickly bounced back to a happier expression. "Yeah... I guess you could say that. It's gonna be a while until they've finished installing the lights. What's the play about?" You gestured towards his script in hand, and he waved it around, explaining what the play was about. Apparently, the production was huge, and the actors had been studying this production for weeks. "Looks hard..." You say, looking over the actor's shoulder. He laughed. "Yeah, the musical numbers are pretty complicated, but it's not that hard once you know the lyrics." You smiled, laughter bubbling from your chest from the actor's narcissistic side showing once again, something you haven't experienced in years. It was nice, but soon the light was fixed, and you had to leave. Waving, you said your goodbyes to Zen and headed off. He watched your retreating figure, wanting to say more even though his mouth was at a loss for words.

Zen was more than happy to go home after an extended day of work, jogging home to his girlfriend. "MC! I'm home!" He cheerfully said. She looked up from the couch, a displeased look on her face. "Are you going to tell me who _she_ is?" Zen raised an eyebrow, asking who, seeing her eyes roll behind long bangs. "I went to surprise you today, and I saw you and this... girl sitting closely together, laughing and talking." Zen frowned. "That was [Name], a friend--" Without letting him explain, MC cut him off. "You mean a friend with benefits? One who enjoys their lips around your cock? Who screams your name as you _fuck_ her senseless because you met her through work-" "ENOUGH!" Zen yelled, immediately changing his tone when he saw her shrink back. "...Enough. She's just a friend, nothing more. Yes, we met through work, but she was only a tech girl, not an actor if that's what you're trying to imply. I've worked a late day, And I Don't need you to accuse me of a cheater when I'm not." He was about to head to his room, but her words stopped him. "Prove it, then."

"What?" He turned around to find her less than a foot apart from him. MC's hands traveled down his chest, sending tingles down his spine until he reached the hem of his pants. She massaged the bulge that started to form, speaking in a completely different tone from before. "Prove you're not a cheater and show me what you would only show _me."_

* * *

 

You sat in the passenger seat of the branded truck on the side of the road, debating on whether or not you should just get out and walk home as your brother laughed his ass off in the driver's seat. Deciding against the action, you sat back in your seat, taking another bite of your spicy chicken sandwich as you waited. Once his laughter ceased to giggles, you finally spoke. "So, are we going home, Ruth? Or are you just going to keep laughing for who knows what?" He took in a deep breath to stop himself, looking over at you, his red-orange hair bouncing on his shoulders. "I was just laughing at you from earlier. Your version of flirting is hil.ar.i.ous." You raised an eyebrow at him. "Flirting? I was n--" "Yes you were. Wasn't that Hyun Ryu from all those years ago? You're lucky he was oblivious to your flirting because it was totally obvious to everyone there." You sighed.

"There's no point... he has a girlfriend, and I'll be single the rest of my life..." Your brother hugged you, combing his hands through your hair your hair. "Hey, don't think like that. You'll find true love." You nodded, feeling a bit better. "And I'll be there to criticize their every flaw." You laughed loudly, punching him in the arm. "Yeah, right. Let's go home. We gotta work in the morning, y'know." Ruth nodded but didn't start the engine. "Ruth...?"You said in a questioning manner. "Don't tell me... You didn't fill the gas tank, did you?" Ruth laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. "Dou you mind... helping me push?"

 

_'Do you believe in true love, [name]?'_

_'Well, I've never experienced it first hand myself, but I do think there is a person for everyone.'_

_'ah... so you think there is someone out there... even for me?'_

_'Yeah... sometimes, they're closer than you believe. You just need to look around. You'll see it someday.'_

 

_someday..._

 


	3. The Same Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I'm glad to say that this chapter has finally been written after such a long time, and now that I have finally made a plot set-in-stone, I can continue planning and writing chapters like these more frequently. Enjoy!

“Alright, one last push should do it.” Both you and Ruth were pushing the truck back to your apartment since it was the closest, deciding to take your personal car to get gas for it in the morning. Finally getting it to a visitor’s parking spot, You both head up to your apartment, exhausted from the work you have been doing the past hour and a half. “So…” Your brother started, flopping on the couch. “Sleeping arrangement?” You came back from the small kitchen with two water bottles in hand, tossing one to your brother before leaning against the wall. “Well, since you’re the guest then you can sleep on the bed, while I take the couch. Sound good?” Ruth nodded. It was nice to have an apartment of your own since you were the one who always called the shots when guests were over. Deciding to shower first, you quickly wash the sweat off of you, getting out and telling Ruth that it was Okay to shower after getting dressed.

 

While Ruth was in the shower, you set up the couch with a pillow and blanket, sitting atop and turning on your TV. A ringing noise suddenly filled the room, which confused you as to why someone, even an ad, would call this late at night. Looking over at your phone screen, it surprised you that Zen was calling. Picking it up, you hesitated a moment when you heard heavy breathing on the other side. “Uh… hello?”

 

You could hear a loud breath of relief from the other side. “[Name]! Thank god you picked up! Sorry, were you sleeping?” You shook your head, but quickly said ‘no,’ when you realized that he couldn’t see you. “Ah, this is really sudden, and I know it is late at night, but can I… come over? I really need somewhere to stay and someone to talk to…” You obviously said yes, giving a new address to Zen before hanging up, knowing you would see him shortly. When you heard the shower stop, you then realized your brother was staying as well, and now you needed to change your sleeping arrangement. Your brother walked out not too long after, and after shortly explaining the situation, your brother frowned. “If that’s the case, then you sleep on the bed, and I’ll sleep in the living room on the floor next to him.” You shook your head. “It’s okay, you take the bed, I know how much you liked my mattress last time you slept over…” He obviously didn’t like that, immediately refusing the idea. “No, I won’t let you sleep in the same room as him. Don’t you remember what the news had said about him and Echo Girl? I won’t allow you to sleep with him.” This made you pissed that he was one of those people who still came to believe part of Zen was lying, but you probably knew him better than everyone at that conference and on social media combined. “I never believed what the news press made him out to be, and I never will. Hyun Ryu is a good person through and through. He would never do such a thing!” Your brother had never looked so determined to make you sleep in another room before. “That’s what you believe, but you know he had changed over the years, everyone does. You even know that he had acted differently because you were the one who is at fault for d--” “STOP!” You started shaking, knowing what he was about to say. “You don’t have to say it. I know he changed, but his ideals are still the same from all those years ago. He won’t do anything to me, so just trust me on what I’m doing, okay?” Your brother sighed, knowing that you wouldn’t change your mind. “Fine. But if he does try something, just yell for me. I’ll be in your room with the door closed, but I’ll make sure to keep an ear out for anything suspicious. If I’m not out again tonight, then I'll say goodnight now.” With that, he hugged you and headed into your room, closing the door behind him.

 

Zen came over not too long after. He wasn’t out of breath when you opened the door and invited him inside, but he looked far from well. His hair was a knotted mess, and the clothed he had on were still his clothes he wore earlier. He thanked you as he stepped in, leaving his shoes by the door and slipping off his coat. “You can take the couch, and I’ll take the floor next to you, so try to step over me if you need to use the restroom late at night.” He looked at you with a brow raised. “You’re not sleeping in your room?” You shook your head, explaining the events that had happened earlier that ended up with your brother sleeping in your room, including the argument you both shared. Zen’s eyes trailed off to the side as you stated the argument. “I know some people still think I’m a bad person, so it doesn’t surprise me that your brother thinks it too. Maybe they’re right, that I am a bad person. I mean, I haven’t talked to you for around six years, and all of a sudden I ask you to let me stay for the night…” You sat on the couch, urging him to sit next to you, which he did, but it was much closer than what you have thought.

 

“Hyun,” Zen tensed a little when he heard you call him by his real name in such a soft tone. “You’re not a bad person. I never believed you would do such a vulgar thing. And having your reasons, you probably just didn't have the time to hang out with people like me, so I would just let bygones be bygones. Now, I don’t think you said you wanted to talk because you wanted to make yourself feel like shit. What’s the real reason you asked to stay?”

 

\----------

 

“MC…” Zen started off, trying to get the words out over the soft moans he made from her groping. She looked up at him, her chocolate brown locks falling off her shoulders. “Hm…? Do you want to move this to the bed now?” He gently pushed her off of him, trying to reach earth once again. “No… I can’t do this. Not now.” She immediately stopped what she was doing, a look of disapproval eminent on her features. “Why not? Why are you being so distant to me now? Is it because you found someone else, even after we oh so generously spilled our emotions with each other? Is it because your career is stopping you? If that’s the case, then I think it would be best if you quit acting altogether. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I think it’s for the best. I could get a part-time job as well, and we could work to keep up with payments. Acting is stupid and unpredictable, so quitting now could spare you a lot of trouble instead of going broke after wasting your energy on--” “Wasting?” Zen said, anger prominent in his tone. “Is that what you call my job, something I’ve spent my entire life on- My big dream? Is that what you think of it? I have spent hours on end doing what I love, what I had pursued by leaving my past behind me, and you just want me to throw it away like a used napkin! What do you even see in me if you think that ninety percent of my time is wasted? I thought you were different from all the other girls who chase after me. I admit you are different from the rest. But you’re not the kind of different I thought you once were. I thought--” Zen hesitated, knowing what he was about to say could change his life for better or for worse. His voice became low, with sadness laced in. “MC... I thought I loved you. You were one of the very few people I know to see me in a different light. I will never forget that, but what we have now isn’t what I wanted. I know this isn’t what you want either, so I don’t think we should continue this relationship, because it would never work between us. I’m sorry.” MC’s expression turned to one of pure outrage. “This IS because of some girl, isn’t it?! She probably set you up to this so I wouldn’t be an obstacle. Zen, you can’t do this to me!” “I can and will do this. I know that you may not have somewhere to go, but right now, I don’t want to see your face, so I’ll be the gentleman and take leave, but make sure you have somewhere to stay tomorrow night because I don’t want your things in my apartment.” Zen grabbed his coat and walked outside, slamming the door behind him, leaving a distraught MC behind. Of course, he did have a small doubt for his decision but decided to leave his thoughts alone and go for a run. Zen didn’t know how long he had been running for, but his breaths had become short and ragged, wheezing as he sat down on a curb and pulled out his phone. He first called the other RFA members, explaining his dilemma as they sat there and listened. He asked them if he could stay over, all of them explaining that they couldn’t. “Don’t you have other friends than the ones just in the RFA?” Seven stated before briefly saying goodbye and hanging up. Zen’s thought immediately went to you. Without thinking, Zen called you, waiting to have you pick up as he started running back to recognizable surroundings.

 

\----------

 

“That’s about it…” Zen stated in a low voice. “I don’t know what to do, [Name]. I’ve never been so conflicted in my life.” He buried his face in his hands, sighing deeply as he waited for a response. “I’m sure she understands,” You start. “It sounds like both of you were unhappy in this situation. I think what you said was for the best. I guess she wasn’t ‘the one’ everyone looks for. Everyone has a soulmate, Zen. Some people tend to seek them, some don’t and pursue their dreams, and some don’t even realize that they passed them while walking to the supermarket. The world makes sure everyone can find love, so maybe it just wasn’t your time to find that ‘special someone.’ Knowing you, your personality will possibly attract them just by you walking into the room.” Zen laughed weakly. “I remember you saying something like this long ago, [Name]. You’re right, even though my heart probably won’t be the same for a while. Are you saying this from experience?” You jumped slightly from his question, immediately looking the other way to hide your saddened face. “...Yeah. I used to be someone who would go at great lengths to find my soulmate, but after seeing first hand that what I’m trying to seek so badly could hurt others with just as much physical force as there is mental, I gave up trying so hard, and I guess just got consumed by different life problems to the point where I’ve just given up on my dream of finding the knight who would save me from such things.” You looked back over to Zen, taking his hands in yours. “Hyun, don’t end up like me. As much as you may think I’m still the same [name] you knew all those years ago, I’m not. You have a kind personality, and not to mention your godly looks, so any girl would be lucky to have you. Just please-” You paused, shaking as old traumatic memories flooded your brain. “Be happy, for me. Go out and find your ‘special someone.’”

 

Zen didn’t know what to say, especially about the hurting physically part, but he nodded as he squeezed your hands as well, making a promise to not be heartbroken; for his sake as well as whatever your reasons were to tell him such personal information after not seeing him in around six years. You stood from your seat, getting another pillow and blanket and lying down on the ground next to the couch. “Goodnight, Zen. Hope you feel better in the morning.” Zen whispered a goodnight back to you, turning on his side and falling asleep quite fast now that he had everything off of his chest, the apartment becoming still as the moon traveled its way across the sky with the stars in a trail behind it.

 

 

 

_“I want to start a business with you, Ruth.”_

 

_“Really? What about?”_

 

_“I want to sell and install tech and lighting equipment for theatre productions.”_

 

_“Now why would you do that, [name]? You’re already a well-known tech girl in the business, so why throw it away to start something new?”_

 

_“...I want people to be able to have_ the equipment _they can trust for a good price, so they won't make the mistakes I did…_

 

_…_

 

_...So they won’t hurt the people they love_ _like I did.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was very emotional, I know. I've added a few points in this chapter that add to the plot I was going for and to why [name] and Zen had split apart for so many years. If you think you know where this is going (Which shouldn't be that hard as to what it's hinting to), please feel free to answer in the comments section, and I may shout out your username if you guess correctly in the next chapter! If you don't want potential spoilers, then just feel free to leave a kudos and bookmark so you can get notified when I finally get off my lazy butt and start producing more chapters! Ciao!


End file.
